Accounting 102

Hopefully I'll get good at this: taking into account all God has done on my behalf (our behalf) since Jack was born. Today is a tough day, very tough. I can barely hold back my tears or fears, and actually, haven't held them back much at all. I think there is a list of contributing factors to my tough day, several "good reasons". But in the throes, these are little consolation. There are just so many bad memories associated with the kinds of feelings I am feeling today.

So in an effort to embrace the WHOLE truth, not just the partial reality of my feelings, here is another accounting of signs of God's hand and healing:

All of the things accounted for in the last post still hold true.

Christmas holidays were great.

I made almost EVERY gift we gave for Christmas.

We traveled successfully and happily to visit family in two states three separate times.

Jack is sleeping through the night, and hit that milestone before turning 3 months old.

We stayed up WAY too late (or early) with the Blackmons ringing in the new year and had a great time.

I started and finished reading a book.

Bella and I have cuddled lots lately, and SHE reads to me.

Jack found his belly laugh, and I brought it out of him.

I painted a lot in Anthony's new youth room.

I have had my second-to-last counseling appointment, with it being said I am definitely "on the mend".

EVERY one of our significant financial needs have been met, in miraculous ways.

Bella is an AWESOME big sister and precious daughter.

The new sanctuary has been opened and I got to put the media together for the first service.

I cut my sister's and niece's hair.

I have not had a blue day since my last post, December 6th.

I am constantly reminded I have companions on this journey.

I set goals for the new year.

Even as I write it is hard to elevate these TRUTHS above my nebulous feelings. Feelings are so strong, but they don't have to be powerful, I realize. A very wise man once told me, "Just press through it. My experience has been that if I slow down long enough to give it any serious thought or contemplation, my emotional reactions are worse and longer-standing." He's right, once again. That kind of contemplation has caused today's tailspin.

I know I am healing. I just know it. Today I don't feel it. But it doesn't change the truth. I know this day doesn't surprise God. The truth is He supplies all my needs according to His riches. He is rich in peace. He is rich in endurance. He is rich in joy. He is rich in healing. He hasn't given me a spirit of fear. He gave me His spirit when He adopted me as His daughter, and it is a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind. These problems are small and won't last very long, but they are producing for me a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever. He is the God who goes before me and with me. He does not leave me or abandon me. My soul can wait quietly before Him. He has begun a good work and He is faithful to complete it. Sorrow may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning. He is not a withholding God. He has plans for me, that include prosperity, hope, and a future. He loves me. This I KNOW.