Poser

It has been well over five months since I last wrote anything in this space I created for my thoughts and reflections to inhabit and traipse about. Though I pride myself in my computer and technological savvy, our household does not have an internet connection. This is for reasons that some would find noble and others antiquated and excessive. But nevertheless, it is thus and thus will be for quite a long time. Therefore, the frequency at which I enter the “Land-Of-The-Three-Ws” is on average one to two times a week. Though I love my visits to this place it is better that they are few for even at it’s best it’s “web” characteristics can be quite an entanglement at times, where minutes lead to hours and the true “world-wide” around me can go virtually unnoticed.

I have pondered how to jump back into doing what I haven’t been doing for so long; blogging. I read a friend’s blog awhile back as he lamented over the pull of his empty web log space and it’s siren cry to be filled. I know that feeling. When I started mine, I was aiming for it to be something much different than what it is. I’m sure I counted on much more consistency from myself, perhaps more than I could reasonably deliver considering my limited time online. I have friends whose blogs truly are these living journals of everyday life and experiences, never missing a second. I open their pages with expectancy and eagerness because I know I will find something new there each time I drop in. I can see the whole of their lives and happenings unfold as if I were there myself.

Oh, to be a real blogger! But alas, I am . . . truly . . . a blog poser.

But you know, I’ve never really aspired to be a blogger. Now, sure, there is the hope that someone somewhere is reading my blog and finds something to take or leave from it; my basic vanity sees to that desire. But what I actually want to be is a good writer rather than just the historian of my life. It reminds me of something I have heard many times mentioned by my sister and brother-in-law. They have three children (and another on the way) which automatically supplies them with worlds of adventure and endless sights to be seen. Of course as parents there is a pressing “need” of sorts to capture these experiences on video. But almost without exception, in the pursuit of the blasted video camera whose battery is inevitably in need of charging, the moment becomes lost. They have grown far more in favor of the quick snapshots they can acquire; photos upon whose reflection represent more than their “you just missed it!” videos could convey.

Perhaps my sister and brother-in-law feel like “bad” parents for not video taping more, but what they have realized is that in order to capture every outstanding moment, they would need to record at all times. They prefer their snapshots. And those photos conjure memories and emotions and stories that encompass as much, if not more, than their video ever could.

I understand now it is not a character flaw or even limited resources that keep me from blogging every detail of my life in this empty space that beckons to be filled. It’s simply that I write in snapshots. This blog of mine will never be a place for anyone to learn of the “goings-on” of my “every days”. What is written here are simply pieces of my scrapbook.

So I “jump back in” viewing it not so much as maintaining a blog, but as an opportunity to do what I love…write.