(J clears throat) Ehem.
(spotlight centerstage)
And now for Today's TMI. . .
(audience applauds, followed by a suspense-building drum roll)
I have shaved my legs twice since Ava was born.
(cymbal crashes)
Really. She's three months old. Seriously.
That's it.
(only the sound of distant crickets and a painful silence from audience can be heard)
Thank you, and good day.
(J exits stage left; audience applauds)
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